This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
