Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
