I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
