Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
