it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
