even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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