your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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