why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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