Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
