If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
