if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
