theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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