clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
