im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and she was petting her beer can
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
