I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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