Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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