just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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