Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
