Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
