I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We have started to decorate penises.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
