dude i'm inner monologue high
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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