omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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