it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
two words...techno handjob
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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