My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
