Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
