fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
