plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
