i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize