He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
