Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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