She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
