I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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