Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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