my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
