Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
