No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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