My liver just broke up with me...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's not a foreskin expert like you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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