Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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