we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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