You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the condom got lost in my hair
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
