OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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