she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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