new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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