I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
