The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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