I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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