If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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