my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
