She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
