My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
