Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
