You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize