i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
