remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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