Can Purell be used as lube?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
