RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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