It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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