it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
