Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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