I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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