There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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