I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
