i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
