Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
