we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
