He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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