He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
