to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pants are for mortals
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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