I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
