so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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