Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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