I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
