the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
