Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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