I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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