Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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