So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
